With or without you
by twinkletoesnelly
Summary: Sandy and Kirsten try to deal with the problems that could trainwreck their marriage. Will they succeed?
1. Chapter 1

'Are you in love with him?'

She laughed in disbelief 'What?'

'You heard me'

'Why do you not trust me? Oh wait I already know the answer to that. No I am not in love with Carter Buckley'

'Then why were you all over him tonight'

'Well at least it got some reaction from you' she spat.

'What's that meant to mean?' he replied.

'Did it make you jealous? Did it annoy you? Upset you?'

'Kirsten?' he was utterly confused. He didn't really believe deep down that she had feelings for Carter but he hadn't expected this reaction.

'Why do you think I've been spending so much time at the office, with Carter?' she didn't let him speak but continued' because you left me Sandy, you abandoned me, I had no other choice. I wanted to make you feel just a fraction of what I felt'.

'Kirsten what are you talking about, I'd never leave you what?' He shook his head oblivious to what she was getting at. He tried to close the physical gap between them, a gap which had been growing significantly for some time. She however, flinched as he approached her.

She was seething, her blood pressure rising, he really didn't get it. 'What, you thought that once Rebecca left everything would go back to normal, are you kidding me?'

'We're talking about Rebecca again?' he responded as if the matter had been discussed in minute detail previously.

'Again? No Sandy we never talked about Rebecca. How she suddenly appeared and you fell for her all over again, spending nights with her, leaving me on my own, not ringing, need I go on?' tears were streaming down her face. 'You choose her all over again. You confirmed my worst fears, that I would always be second to her. You'II never understand what it felt like when you walked out that door on Valentines Day! Ever since the day I found out about Rebecca a story which I might add you refused to tell me about when we were in college I knew you would always have feelings for her but I was so in love with you that I took a chance' and with that she turned and left the room. 'And you know I realise now what a fool I was to believe you when you promised you'd never break my heart'.

He decided to venture up towards the bedroom an hour or so later, He thought she might have cooled down, maybe give him a chance to explain, apologise. He had been so stupid, he knew that, he had treated her so badly during the Rebecca fiasco and she was right. Did he really think a plastic ring was going to make up for all the hurt he'd caused. It frightened him to see her so insecure, he may not have acted like it but she was his world. What if she left him? He couldn't carry on with out her. He began to panic, he needed to do something. He knocked on their bedroom door, before entering. She was in their bathroom. He changed into his pyjamas. Was she going to let him sleep next to her? She exited the bedroom, he examined her face another wave of guilt passing over him when he say her beautiful tear stained face. She made no effort to look at him, not even acknowledging his presence she quickly got into bed and turned her back to him. She had contemplated sleeping in the guest room, but that would mean they had serious problems and she wasn't ready to except that they had become one of those couples. Usually when they had a fight, one of them would cave and they'd subsequently have mind-blowing sex. But this was different and what's more it petrified her, What if she lost him? What if he decided to call it quits, which would be the easy thing to do right? Everyone had said from the beginning they were too different. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing sleep to come.

'Kirsten' he whispered in the dark. He received no reply. Thinking she was asleep he continued 'I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for what's happened to us. It's my entire fault and I am so sorry for screwing up so badly. You may not believe it but you will always be my one and only. I just lost my path for a while and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you but just please don't give up on us! I just don't know what I'd do. I just want us to be happy again', He was secretly hoping that she would turn around and forgive him but even he knew he had crossed the line this time and even though she probably would forgive him eventually, she would never forget.

After hearing this, her will almost broke and she almost gave into temptation wanting so badly to reach out to him but she stopped herself. This wasn't a normal fight where he had merely done something to piss her off, no she was going to make him prove his promise. They needed to get back on firm ground so he was going to have to earn her trust again.

She felt such warmth as she awoke from her sleep, there were arms wrapped tightly around her as she was almost on top of Sandy's chest. How was it that even when they were having the worst fight in the world they still managed to find each other during the night. She allowed herself one more minute to bask in what seemed to her like heaven before she reluctantly got up and left the bedroom. Sandy had been awake for at least an hour watching Kirsten sleep on top of him, petrified that this would be the last time she did. She looked so beautiful so innocent. Why had he gone and taken her for granted? His eyes had clamped shut when he registered that she had woken. She had laid there for a moment sighing quietly before exiting. He had to do something to win her back he just had no idea what.

'Kirsten'

'Hey Carter'

'Want to meet me for breakfast?'

She almost instinctively agreed but then remembered what Sandy had said. Was she in love with Carter? No attracted maybe but definitely not love. She just liked having someone's undivided attention, it used to be that way with Sandy- she'd enter the room and he'd drop everything else. However, now that she thought about it she really had been spending to much time with Carter, she felt guilty, not just for Sandy but about the lack of time she had been spending with the boys. She then glanced at the picture on the fridge. They looked so happy as a couple. No she was not going to give up on them. Yes he had hurt her and they had a lot of issues to sort out but it was worth it. Sandy was everything to her and she wasn't going to give Rebecca Bloom the satisfaction of tearing her family apart.

'Listen Carter I'm actually taking today off so I'II see you in the office on Monday. Bye'. She hung up before he could reply. She decided that the situation needed to be confronted. As she poured coffee for herself she instinctively poured a cup for Sandy. Even this simple gesture made her tear up. How had things got so bad? She loved him more then anything and after his from the heart statement last night she knew he still loved her. Maybe it was time to make a new start on their relationship. She grabbed the two mugs of coffee and headed towards the bedroom. He was sitting at the table on the far side of the room frantically looking for something in a cardboard box. He jumped when he felt her touch his arm. He turned around and she handed him the coffee. Their eyes met and for the first time in a long time only silent communication was needed to convey the message. She was ready to forgive, he was sorry, they both loved each other and they would make it work like they always did. 'We need to talk….'

Lots of kandy and angst coming up. Let me know what you think it'II motivate me. I miss my favourite show ;(


	2. Chapter 2

'Look Kirsten', she stopped him before he started rambling.

'No Sandy I want to talk first. We both know that this a whole thing has been going on longer then the Rebecca situation; that was just the icing on the cake. I don't know' she sighed 'We stopped connecting, which maybe was my fault because I'II be the first to admit I took the boy's departure out on you. All I wanted was for everything to be like it was but I kept pushing you away thinking that you'd sort it out, bring them back but when you didn't force them, I resented you for it I guess'.

'Look that doesn't matter, let's just forget it' he kept trying to pull her close to him.

But she was having none of it.

'Sandy you don't get it, stop trying to make it seem like all of this was no big deal. We barely communicated for 3 months, that's the problem we didn't deal with it then. We skipped over it and now were left with the problem that it has all mounted up and I'm afraid it's almost too big for us to handle. We continued just to pretend like everything was back to normal when it wasn't. It was getting there but then Rebecca came along'

'But it was! Ok maybe I forgot our anniversary but things were good we were happy. Are you still annoyed that I forgot?'

'Sandy of course not… stop being so dismissive.'

'Like Kirsten don't get me wrong I screwed up, but maybe I wouldn't have if I hadn't been saving your dads ass for the umpteenth time.' He regretted saying it immediately, but it had slipped off his tongue as if he had been waiting to say it for a long time.

They were both shocked when he said it. Although he had a point he had never held that against her before. All of a sudden she just felt like she needed to get out of there as fast as she could.

'I can't do this right now, I need to go to work' she hastily moved towards the bathroom.

'Kirsten' he grabbed her towards him 'I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, it's not your fault your father acts the way he does. It's just the legal eagle inside me gets annoyed. I'm sorry'. He laughed slightly and tried to kiss her but she pulled away.

'Sandy this isn't some sort of game, or flirting fight. It's serious and you're clearly not ready to discuss our problems which suggests you don't want to save our marriage'

'What do you mean save our marriage? Its you and me, Sandy and Kirsten against the world remember. Ok we've had problems and I totally screwed up but Kirsten you can't give up on us' He was getting really afraid now. Yes he had thought last night when she was so heartbroken that maybe divorce had played around in her head but he didn't really believe she would ever suggest that their union might come to an end. He had to do something before it was too late. Just as she was about to turn he reached out for her again.

'Wait Kirsten, look ok you know me better then anyone'

'I'm sure Rebecca could give me a run for your money'

He ignored that comment and continued 'I like to make light of certain things because they scare the shit out of me. I can't loose you so I'II do what ever you want just say it. I'II do whatever it takes to make you happy'

'Sandy that's the sad thing, I used never have to tell you' she said sadly and went to get changed.

Boy was he in trouble, things were going downhill and they hadn't even got on to the Rebecca discussion. She was right though, he had always known how to make her feel better, feel special, loved. Why had he started to take her for granted? The one person in his whole life who had never given up on him. He was loosing her and he had a find a way to get her back.

'Kirsten I thought you said you weren't coming in?' Carter entered her office. She really didn't want to talk to him. She had tuned out of what ever he was saying, Was Sandy right was she attracted to him?.. she thought about it for a minute. No, she decided. Yes he was good looking and charming but it all came down to the fact she liked the idea of someone looking at her in that way even though she always wished and only cared that it would be Sandy. Carter seemed to have lost all his appeal to her, yes she was still mad at Sandy but she knew after last night even though they hadn't dealt with anything properly yet, he wasn't going to give up. Maybe this low point might give them the rejuvenation they needed. She felt bad about escaping this morning, it had hurt her that he had used her father against her but she knew deep down he was right. It was insecurity on her part. From the very beginning everyone had pointed out the fact that they were from different worlds and it had been common knowledge on campus that Rebecca was the one that fit Sandy's type not her.

'Hello earth to Kirsten' Carter was waving his hand.

'Sorry'

'No worries. You ok you kind of look upset anything I can do?'

'Oh I'm fine don't worry about it'

'Well why don't we order some lunch in or something. I'II take you out'

It was only then she really realised how much time she was actually spending with Carter. They went for dinner, had lunch together, all the time she usually would have spent with Sandy. At that moment she felt incredibly lonely and missed her husband so much. They needed to sort this out once and for all.

'Sorry Carter I gotta go' and without another word she grabbed her bag and headed home hoping to find Sandy in his study.

He was getting nothing done the events of the previous night and that morning where playing round in his head. He could be such an idiot sometimes, Kirsten had nothing to do with Caleb's bad behaviour and it had been so wrong of him to hold that against her. All he had done was give her an excuse to find comfort in Carter which she had clearly had been doing a lot of. Even the thought of them together made his stomach churn. He placed his head in his hands unaware that Kirsten was watching from behind the clear glass door. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. She could see him pick up the recent photo of them that was taken the night he had accused her of not trusting him. He was outlining their profiles with his fingers almost smiling when he got to her cute button nose. She couldn't take it any longer.

'Sandy'

He looked up and saw her charging towards him. He stood up and opened his arms as he gathered her tight to his chest.

'I'm so sorry Kirsten. I mean all that stuff is important I just…..' she kissed him so passionately that he was almost knocked off his feet however he quickly responded holding her tighter. She pulled away slightly

'I'm sorry too. I know we have a lot of stuff to deal with but just for the next hour or so can we just forget about all the other stuff and just focus on the fact that I love you more then anything in this world and I don't ever want us to grow apart again. I can't loose you Sandy and I'm never going to let you go..'

'Kirsten you are the love of my life. And if I had to choose a hundred times I would choose you every time. We'II get through this and don't ever worry I'm not going anywhere' he kissed her gently on the forehead, wiping away the tears that had begun to stream down her cheeks.

'Glad to her it' before he got the chance to attack her lips again she spoke.

'No I mean it Sandy. We have to talk through this stuff eventually but I just want to be close to you. I've missed all the time we used to spend together, like all the little things. I want that back. I want Sandy and Kirsten moral centre of the universe back'

And with that he took her face in his arms and kissed her deeply with all the love he could possibly give. She clung to him afraid that he might disappear at any minute. It was as if a weight had been lifted. The force that had been preventing them from reaching out to each other had vanished. As they hastily in between kisses made their way up to the bedroom they felt that their bond and connection had been restored. Just because they bent it didn't mean it broke. It just gave them the strength to pick up the pieces and strive ahead more in love with each other and neither would have wanted it any other way.

'Baby'

'Yeah'

'Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?'

'I'm listening' …..


End file.
